I slept surprisingly well considering I’d had a very strong margarita and unpleasant socialization last night. I went to the gym and talked to Austin. He comes home tomorrow and I can’t wait. I was very absent during a 2 hour work meeting. I went to lunch with the same friend I saw on Sunday. She had some disappointments this week, and I told her how my relationship feels lacking. She suggested that I be selfish and tell Austin what I need (more time and affection) and let him figure it out. I appreciated that, and I have been asking for more affection, but I feel that time isn’t a fair ask. He gives me lots of time when he travels in the form of several phone calls a day. When he’s home, the only time he doesn’t give me is either given to his kids or his music (he has a few friends he jams with and sometimes they do open mic nights). There’s no more time to be had unless he quits his crappy travel job. That’s not a fair ask. If he asked me to quit my job I couldn’t say yes.
I was supposed to have an archery lesson at 6:30, but I skipped it. I started feeling like crap mid-afternoon. Headache, nausea (I blame the margaritas) and just really low. Nothing bad happened, but it was a bad day. Skipping archery probably wasn’t a good idea, but I just wanted to be home. I don’t know what’s right – to treat myself gently and give in to isolation when it feels comforting, or make myself go do something active and social to break me out of it. I wrapped gifts for Austin’s birthday this weekend.
Things that made me feel good: Seeing my friend
Things that made me feel bad: I don’t know, but I felt really shitty
Things to work on: I don’t know
