Wednesday 1/22/2025 8:45 AM – Woke up early again and filled out the daily Paired app prompts. I think Austin saw because he texted me good morning (which he doesn’t usually do first because he doesn’t want to wake me up). I went to the gym and he went back to sleep. I called him…
Tuesday 1/21/25 – Still feeling OK-ish today. I woke up early after a good night’s sleep (induced by sleeping pill, but whatever). Austin and I texted a lot while we were both at the gym. We had a brief phone call after. I definitely feel more “up and down” today. Well, not really “up” but…
Like coddling a child, I’ve been “giving in” to myself a lot lately. Normally I’m a very regimented person (on weekdays at least). I get up early, I go to the gym before work, I eat a lunch that I packed, I clean the house after work, I do meal prep and pack my gym…
+6 Saturday 1/18 – I failed my resolution. I cried so hard after Austin’s family birthday lunch because he was leaving to jam. I called and told him I’m messed up. He was loving, but he was still gone for 6 hours and I was in crisis when he called on his way home. He…
10:00am – I slept on the couch. I was feeling so low last night I couldn’t fathom going to bed. I ended up sleeping well and I got up early to decorate for Austin’s birthday. He called me on his drive to the airport. He seemed so energetic and cheerful – he did last night,…
This weekend is Austin’s birthday. He’s flying home today. Last night and this morning on the phone he sounded energetic and happy. I’m feeling low. I’m feeling unsure about our relationship and how he feels about me. I feel insecure about myself. My goal this weekend is to focus only on love. That means accepting…
I slept surprisingly well considering I’d had a very strong margarita and unpleasant socialization last night. I went to the gym and talked to Austin. He comes home tomorrow and I can’t wait. I was very absent during a 2 hour work meeting. I went to lunch with the same friend I saw on Sunday….
Oh man. I was secretly planning not to do this. I hoped I could work through without revisiting this, but that’s not going to work. There is always a catalyst for situational depression. In the past, it’s been relationships ending, losing a loved one, or other major life changes. This time there was a definite…
I slept on the couch last night. Sometimes I do that to avoid going to bed alone. I had a night last week that was so bad (awake for hours in bed obsessing, then uneasy sleep and terrible dreams I woke up from crying) that I’ve been afraid of it. Last night I framed it…
Day 0: Sunday 1/12 was the day I realized I had fallen back in. I posted about how the realization brought me some comfort. I stopped fearing the unknown, because depression is a known entity for me. I’ve come out of it before, and I believe now that there can be an end date. That…
